Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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