So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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