dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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