Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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