i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
