You work out of a Hotel?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
