she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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