I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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