i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
