Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
