At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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