just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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