Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
