im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
