These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
