ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Drunk walkin through police station. America
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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