I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
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