So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
