Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
