so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
they're like a gay fantastic four
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
