And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
