This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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