Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We left the knife in your bed.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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