Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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