Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
