oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize