its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
