Got a toothbrush?
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
