I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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