My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
