Where is the hickey?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
