i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize