She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Randomize
