If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
