I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
