ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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