She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
