I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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