What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
