one might say we're banned from that church
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize