I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
