is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
