oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize