in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
