I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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