i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
