I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
