when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
