Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
