It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
