Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
