we have officially lost it.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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