Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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