I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize