I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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