everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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