only if we run a train.
done.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
