hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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