At least make sure they are 18
Why
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
