I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
