My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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