Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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