smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
