Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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