Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
