There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
